The War Within

The brown rusty leaves rolled over her legs as she sat helpless on the grass. The park was sparsely populated which made it very easy to stay unnoticed. Lifting her head, struggling to see through the heavy clog of tears welling up in her eyes. The day was getting dark, darkness has become her place of solace. She kept a steady gaze at the kids running freely, playing catch while she battled with the decision of either staying back or going home.

Home? That house didn’t feel like home and it hasn’t felt like home in a long while. The mind drifted to when she was a child with little or nothing contending for space or attention in her head except for love and the ‘’can do spirit’’, which spurred her to fly without wings and run without shoes to distances that were unimaginable. She lived as free as the wind and that was the bliss of childhood which she fought to get rid of and step into adult shoes.

Since stepping into those overly talked about shoes, its been filled with white thorns that pierced the sole of her feet and distorted her gait but she continued the walk while constantly being in remembrance of how pain filled the adult life has been every time she saw the bleeding on her feet.

There has always been an edge cutting demarcation between living and surviving for her.  The conscious effort she made daily to hide the raging turbulence that was almost engulfing her entire being was beginning to wane in strength. 

The turbulence ranged from the loud criticisms that situations heaped at her, the frequent difficulty in getting a good night rest after so many hours of planning and analyzing her failed life.

Life has reaped her off the joy of living. The war within was intense as the explosions from a volcano. The demons were fighting to be let loose and the yells were deafening it would take so much to get her mind calm. First, they made subtle appearances in an on and off feeling of inadequacy and lack of content. They gained ground when she consents to the vibes they sent out. Slowly the feeling of inadequacy was replaced in self-doubt and having accomplished little or nothing. Then self-doubt birthed low self-esteem.

The vile multiplications continued gradually, filling her up with different forms of negativity. Depression and anxiety take their place at the war front and continuously fought for a spot. The doom is sealed and a deep sense of awakening to the reality of who she is became so minute.

She finally lifted herself off the ground and staggered towards the railed path that marked the exit of the park. The voice in her head grew increasingly loud ‘’You have failed at everything you’ve done; you will probably die lonely. Living isn’t for your type…. END IT’’.

Walking into the road, the on coming car swerved on seeing her and hit a tree. Blinking twice, she passed out.

Life’s a gift. A gift is cherished and so should life be. There is a war waging inside of every human and we fight to win and win we must. We were created to rule and reign as kings and queen.  Strive to live to the fullest and end the war that tries so hard to consume us.

Depression shouldn’t win the war

Panic attacks shouldn’t win

Anxiety shouldn’t win this war

Comparisons and unhealthy competitions fuel the heat of this war that in turn ignites a glowing splint.

The feeling of being inadequate should never be welcomed

Failure isn’t the end of life, it’s the beginning of greater conquests.

Self-worth will win

self-satisfaction and confidence will win

Courage and bravery will win

Self-discovery will precede the end of the war

Finally Love will win and the war will be over.

Photo credit: All honor go to the amazing artist