WEED OUT PRETENDERS FROM CONTENDERS.

How lovely when you hear the sound of his car coming into the compound every morning to take you to work. He waits for you to finish dressing up and he gladly opens the car door for his ''Queen'' to enter. 

He helps you out in any way he can. He keeps the calling game on point and you don't need to worry about any heavy lifting, cause he gat your back. He is that perfect gentle man you always prayed and fantasized about. 

Months or let's say weeks into this sweet romantic relationship you are seen hanging out with your female friends you abandoned when he was always there. Drinking your liquor to stupor and swearing the hell out of guys cause of a shattered emotion (Not heart).

The purpose of this article (Maybe not article, but call it anything that comes to your mind) is to save you from such misery and heart break. To help you recognize the contenders in your life and weed  out the pretenders.

The contenders for the purpose of this article are those men who actually love you for who you are and will do what ever it takes to keep you happy all to themselves .  

The pretenders are the time wasters who are after you for what they can get from you. It maybe money, sex, skill, shelter etc. They are just parasites who take from you and at the end of the day they shatter lives and dreams.

We can't deny that such men/women don't exist and because they know people are too careful to fall into hands of sorry likes like them, they step up their game. But that still isn't enough to deter us from fishing them out.

I strongly believe in a world where we have blissful  and pretense free relationships. So without further ado lets dig into it.

Contenders value and appreciate everything about you. Pretenders would want to change everything about just to suit themselves. 

''I love you, but my idea of a perfect girl friend is a light skinned girl and you are......''

''I really do care about you but I want a doctor for a husband and you are a banker''

''You are too big and I never imagined being with a fat girl''

Those are the words of pretenders. They will grind your self esteem to dust and leave you hanging high and dry. 

There is a difference between people who want you to change cause it's what's best for you and people who want you to change  cause that's what's best for them. Pretenders will complain about everything you do and you will constantly live your life trying to please them. 

Many loose their lives and direction in life when they are with pretenders cause nothing about them seems good enough. They complain about your hair, weight, complexion, job, eating habits, etc, just to prove one point to you...........You should be grateful am with you. 

If you are in a relationship where your partner constantly complains about you, then you are certainly with a pretender and you need to leave before your heart is broken.

Contenders will appreciate every thing about you, including the crazy things about you that others laugh at. When you are in a relationship with a contender your self esteem is raised and you feel secure about yourself. If you need to change any part of your life,  a contender will help you through the changes and you will never feel alone. 

Contenders are interested in building with you. Pretenders do not really care about building with you. 

Contenders will want to know all about your plans, visions, goals and intentions. He/she wants to be part of your plans and dreams and actively supports your visions.

 Pretenders may ask about your plans and dreams but will do nothing to be actively involved in your life. To them getting too involved is ephemeral and risky and they do everything not to be involved. They come up with excuses each time duty calls. 

With pretenders you will always ask yourself if you are in a relationship or not cause the conviction is not there. But with a contender, you are sure about the man/woman you are in a relationship with. The conviction of being with that person is there and you are happy to know that.

Never ignore little signs like always questioning yourself about your relationship status, always asking yourself if the person you are with really loves you. Those little questions that keeps popping up in your head is a sign that he/she is a pretender.

Contenders will wait for the right time to eat the "cheese" but pretenders are simply after the cheese.

Men love sex and they would do anything to get some. Pretenders and contenders like sex alike but the difference between the two parties is that contenders love the whole package which includes sex but pretenders just want a part of the package which is the sex. 

Contenders wants to spend time with you outside the bedroom. He/she is interested in finding out your likes, your passion, your opinion on different matters, the games you love etc but pretenders are for the bedroom activities. Every of their moves and plans is get your pants down. 


The first way to truly identify a pretender or contender is to take note of how he/she spends time with you outside the bedroom. Does he/she spend time with you during the day  in some interesting activity or topic of discussion? 
Does he/she love doing the things you enjoy with you?

Pretenders will look for the slightest opportunity to indirectly tell you that  sex is what holds a good relationship. So you should give in to it even on the first date (Which most girls fall for).

 Hold back the sex and find out if he/she wants the cheese or you. The longer they wait the better you discover more about the person without biased judgments based on the fire of emotions that sex has ignited. 

Pretenders and contenders alike will make you laugh.........But for what reason?

Probably you will say am kinda insane for saying that a pretender will make you laugh. Well that's the truth. Be careful when pretenders make you laugh and you fall head over heels in love. Find out the reason why they make you laugh

Is it cause they love to see you happy?
Is it cause they want you to be in the right frame of mind to give what ever they demand of you. 

When you find answers to these questions, then you will know if you are dealing with a contender or pretender. 

Pretenders dread commitment which includes marriage but contenders embrace commitment. 

Pretenders talk about marriage and commitment a lot yet they dread it. They talk about it often so you will slide into the comfort zone of thinking they are committed to you. Be careful and watch them closely when they talk. If you read the eyes well, perfect. The eyes do not lie. Find out through other mentioned means if they are pretenders or contenders.   


   

So my lovely reader, in this season of love, find out if your partner is a contender or a pretender. 

NOTICE: Are there topics you would like KENDER to discuss?  Email in those topics at Kendertalks@gmail.com or drop your topics at the comment section. Thanks for always stopping by to read. Kender Loves you. (XOXOXXOXOXOX)