Rainbows in my cloud

It was barely noon as I could tell from the darkness that still engulfed the room and I was still seated at the same spot I had been for the last 8 hours. The liquor bottle was half empty and I couldn’t see well enough to notice exactly what the time said. The red light beeping on my phone was an indication of either missed calls or text messages I had to respond to but I had no strength for either. 

I tried lifting my self from the chair but the headache I felt out weighed my urge to stand. I couldn’t keep up with this. This has been going on since I got back from work four days ago. The wordings of the letter still appeared to me like an apparition. The years I had put into working overtime, late nights, failed relationship due to a demanding job and even unplanned out of town trips were all in vain. Seated in a sweat drenched pajamas, 34, single and with no job. 

As these thoughts kept flooding my mind, I felt more depressed, drowning and almost suicidal. I had no idea where to start from or even how to pick up the fragments I call life. My salary had never been enough to save a substantial amount to even start up a business. The buzzing on my phone brought me back to reality but briefly. I had no desire to talk to anyone. All I wanted to do was to pen down my frustrations and feel some sort of relief other than the one the brown liquor gave me. 

I wrote and cried and wrote and cried some more. My head banged and my watery eyes became so heavy they shut on their own. My life was a mess. A big mess I had spent the last seven hours explaining and complaining about on paper. 

Finally I felt a huge relief to at least have a proper meal and have my bath. The courage to live came back gradually as the cold water touched my hair and head down to my legs. I was not going to allow life defeat me or dictate how I end. And yes I will win because every waking day brings an opportunity to live life. 

I’ve got rainbows in my cloud and that enough gives me courage to move on. 

To every one other there battling one thing or the other, I speak strength to you, forge ahead and never give. You will win just like I did. It all seems darkest just before dawn and a lot give up. 

Don’t quit, you will make it eventually. 

My pain I drafted on paper became a best selling book that encouraged thousands of life. Out of that gloomy sad experience birthed an amazing life for me. 

Kender Talks