WAKE UP........... ''The Wake Up Series''

The restaurant was not as bubbly as it used to be. The seats were clustered at a corner as though an event just finished. I carefully sat on one of the lone chairs which was just by the extreme right of the room. I had just 20 minutes to spare before going back to work. 

On opening my laptop, I looked around to know if I could see the waiter but instead I saw him. He smiled at me but I didn't smile back. His sea green eyes were so obvious for a caramel skinned guy who of course maybe Nigerian (quite rare I thought). He waved at me and yet again I didn't wave back. I looked back to confirm if I was actually the one he waved at and I didn't see no one behind me. 

Swinging me head back and forth, I saw him coming towards me. Cold sweat dripped down my chin, I panicked. I immediately started packing my stuffs making sure I don't look up so he wouldn't see the fear in my eyes.

''Hey beauty, I couldn't stop but notice you when you walked in. You seem quite hostile to strangers......I had wanted to tell you that........

I had drifted in my thoughts. The word beauty echoed in my head and it was so loud I couldn't hear him anymore. No one had called me beautiful in a long while. Paul said I was dirty. He called me damaged and broken.

Paul was my first love. We met during my final year in school. It was magical. When he looked at me, my feet trembled. I looked forward to seeing him. Hearing his voice gave me untold satisfaction. I floated in the air whenever he wrapped his arms around me. He made me safe and indeed I felt at peace with him. I loved Paul because he was the only guy who never took my NO for an answer. He persevered until I said yes to him. We were the ''perfect relationship goals'' and envy of many. Our love was bound to last for eternity.........or so I thought.

Months later, My loving Paul became my nightmare. He never called. It took him days to either respond to my calls or text messages. He always ignored me like I wasn't there. He made life unbearable whenever I came close to him. The climax was when he answered my questions with  slaps, but he always apologized. He said LOVE made him do it.

Why has such sweet love  turned so painful?

 How did we get here?

It all started when I got pregnant. Paul was shattered hearing the news but I was worse hit too. He felt I wanted to trap him into marriage with it. He made it clear he wasn't ready for marriage and his career needed all the attention it could get. I was just one year into my job and I didn't want a baby either. So I opted for an abortion. I went through that excruciating pain alone. Paul said he was too busy and as always I understood. I did it for us. After the abortion, He didn't want to see me. I healed and went back to him but things got worse. 

I fought to get his attention, held the relationship alone. Cried and begged to be loved. I knew he had another girlfriend but I didn't want to give up on our love. At least he hadn't said that ''It's over'' word to me. Just maybe he loved me. Paul abused me, called me a murderer, Insensitive and a betrayer. I stayed to prove to him that I was non of that. He always made it clear that no one would ever love me like he did and I believed it.

I was scared to be alone. I was used to living with Paul. Even though I bruised as a result of being with him, I hoped that one day our bliss will return. 

On that faithful day, I looked  myself in the mirror and Alexandra was gone. Indeed I was ugly. Paul had become my reason for living. I woke up everyday thinking of ways to make him happy to be with me that I forgot about me. I was broken, rejected, battered both physically and mentally.

I packed my things and left his place waking up to the reality that I had shut my eyes to. 

Your love is Toxic Paul........and so painful. 

I wake up to a new me, a consciousness to re-discover myself again.

The word BEAUTY brought back my reality. 

I'm BEAUTIFUL.

#Kender'sWakeUpSeries

photo credit: Google.