"Being single" MEET VICTORIA

EPISODE TWO

Before I go on, I’ll like to tell you something about my parents. My Dad was the planner and wanted to get every thing all detailed out before he ever ventured into anything. As much as this was good, he lost some really good of opportunities due to that way of living. Now my mum was the spontaneous one. She just went with her guts and she was a goal getter. 

I took a bit of both however, when it came to the matters of the heart my Father’s planning and over-thinking attitude took over. I just wanted to get it right. My parent’s relationship had an influence on me. They were just perfect together even if they didn't realize it. My father’s personality complimented my Mother’s and I could see the way they both blended. I wanted that too.

After my call to my girlfriend and happily announcing to her that I was in a relationship, it took me weeks before the idea and realities of what a relationship is and should be settled in my mind. I hadn't been in one so I didn't know I was supposed to report my where about to my boyfriend. That was our first quarrel. I had gone to see a male friend of mine. We got talking and remembering old times that I lost track of time. I returned his 12 missed calls afterwards and queried why he called so much. He got really upset and He came over to mine as soon as I got back. He insinuated that I was cheating on him and that’s why I never picked his call.

Prior to this accusation, as I didn't have the faintest idea of cheating on him, I always thought of cheating as a sexual thing. In my opinion, you had to have sex with another before its considered cheating. Thankfully he corrected that. After he had paced the room for almost eternity, he sat to tell me that I should always tell him of my whereabouts so he could be at rest. As strange as it sounded to me, it made sense in the long run. 

Two months into the relationship, we had sex. That night was far from what I expected. It was my first time and I was highly anticipating a time of ecstasy that would blow my mind away. I couldn't quite understand why the pain out weighed the pleasure I was supposed to feel. He had an unusual way of pleasuring me and sending sensations down my spine. In fact, he did the opposite. The turning and the vigorous shaking accompanied with the flips left me with a week dose of body ache and my vaginal walls ached badly. That night I had a lot on my mind that I stayed far away from him. I thought of which of the reasons his exs left. The bad sex or the monitoring spirit he had. However, the story he told me on the way they all treated him kept coming back. It was as though it was being played in my head like a stereo that had a particular song on repeat.

 I wanted to talk to someone badly about my experience. Someone older who would understand and not judge me because I didn't want anyone seeing me as that bad sinful girl. I weighed my options and I decided to keep it to myself. At a second thought, I met up with my friend and he came up in our conversation. I told her we had done the ‘’Thing’’ and I probably said it with disgust written all over my face that she needed not to have asked how it was. I also told her I was avoiding him like a plague since then. She told me it was to be expected since its my first time. She went ahead to ask if I told him It was my first time. Well I didn't exactly tell him. He figured and just asked if I was sure I wanted to go ahead. She summarily advised I tell him how I felt about having sex with him and we should go at it again.  

The mere thought of having to experience the pain and trauma again made me hate him instantly. The sudden switch from pity to hate was real quick. That’s actually how that relationship ended. The sex I had dreamt of having since I started menstruating and reading how mind-blowing ecstasy can have you rolling your eyes backwards left a bitter pill in my mouth.

Number Two taught me two things. He though me about communication being very key in relationships. He also taught me that cheating necessarily isn't always sexual. There could be emotional cheating. 

Let’s move over to number three. 

Before Number three came, I re-evaluated my decisions when It came to relationships. I read voraciously on love and sex and I knew I wanted a rematch with a more deserving person that I loved and loved me too. At this point my idea of my kind of relationship was becoming clear. I knew for sure that I had a crazy side (and my alter ego was the crazy one who dominated more) The things that appealed to me where not exactly what every girl my age would like. I liked my man very much older. As you know the saying ‘’The older the wine, the better’’. I had a complicating personality and I needed someone who would understand that I was needy sometimes and sometimes I wouldn't want you around. The two years break of moving to a new environment, working and getting to know myself brought Mr. number 3 along….

Number 3 wasn't the man of my books however, He won my heart with one thing I love ''persistence''. I'll tell it as it happened from the very first day.....

Photo credit: Peniel Enchill