TO SPEAK UP OR NOT..........

.......Few days after Christmas I went for a friend's wedding and since she was an old school friend, I met with other friends who I had not seen in a long while. Catching up was very interesting and our conversation took a new turn considering we were at a wedding. We talked about marriage, relationships and most of all love. One of the four ladies was married, the other was in what I termed ''leading relationship''.......(a relationship that would lead to marriage by all means). The third lady didn't say much about herself so I couldn't place her. I was single and that made the conversation balanced. 

Our attention drifted away completely  from the couple and the wedding generally. We were all engrossed in our little conversation which made us turn tables facing each other. 

......''I don't think the woman should say if she is not satisfied, cause it would seem a bit disrespectful to the man'' the married one said.

''How about the man? Should he speak up or not, I asked trying to get all the answers I needed (When it comes to marriage and love, I love to hear from the married ones. Just to know their opinion since they had an advantage of experience)

''Well, men always have  their way, so they would be satisfied anyway.

Food came and that didn't stop us from talking. We talked in between mouth full as though we were given a deadline on this particular topic

(You will understand what we are talking about if you have not already)

''Men have this Ego thing and telling him he isn't 'hitting' you right may dent his pride and you wouldn't want that happening'' she continued. The look on her face was pathetic. 

''Sex is just a small fraction of the marriage and allowing it to spoil things for you just because you want to have your way is not nice''.

I had to come in cause it was totally opposite of what I had expected her to say.

''Sex is not a small fraction and moreover communication is a vital key in marriage. Are there some things that should be talked about and some things to be avoided? ''

I looked at the other lady who seemed to just nod her head all through the conversation expecting her to answer me cause I really needed to hear her opinion. Then I understood she was standoffish so I excused her. I turned to the other lady who was in a ''leading relationship''. She had been my good friend when we were in secondary school and I usually called her 'the pretty one'.

I used to tease her that she wouldn't last a year after secondary school without being married cause she was too beautiful not to be wanted by any  man for keeps. I remembered vividly the last time we hung out before we all went off to the Uni. She told me of her boyfriend who loved her so much and bought her a new phone for Uni. Even though I  considered it too early to be in  a relationship, a little part of me still envied her.

''I can't tell my boyfriend he is not satisfying me. Even though I believe couples should talk about every thing but this particular issue of being satisfied in bed is just so dicey and I don't think I can talk about it''  the pretty one said shyly.

I was rather surprised than consenting because their opinions were conflicting with mine.( I may not have experience so to say but  I think I know one or two things about marriage).

''I think the man and the woman should talk about their sex lives especially when either of them is not getting what he or she wants. Its just OK to talk about ............''. I could barely drop the next sentence when our dear married lady who obviously has had more experience in marriage cut me short.

''You wouldn't want to talk about such things in your marriage. Men are not what you think they are especially when you are married. She turned to face me. 

''It's different when you are in a relationship. One needs to tread cautiously in marriage else, you would be sending the wrong signals in your marriage.  She dropped her plate and reached for a napkin. She had an uneasy look and I sensed she had same problem in her marriage. 

The conversation went on and on until we heard the micro phone buzz with the sound of the groom's voice giving the vote of thanks. It was time to leave but I was not satisfied with the way the conversation had gone so far and if I could, I would have taken it home. 

........The end

So am bringing the conversation here and my opinion is this.....

Marriage means companionship, compatibility and completeness to me and communication being a vital key in marriage. Virtually everything is to be talked about including sex and I don't think anything should be left unsaid. I do think that  most marriage issues linger cause its not being talked about. That being said, I would advice couples to talk about EVERYTHING.

What's your opinion? To speak up or not especially if either of the couple is not satisfied sexually. Please write your opinion on the comment section or email in at kendertalks@gmail.com

Another extra thing: I want to wish all my family AKA the kendites (My readers) a happy and prosperous new year. Thanks for all your support, emails and calls, I sincerely apologize to those who sent in their stories and it was not published. I promise it would be published before the month runs out. It's our great year and we will all make great achievements. 

                                                         #Kender cares!